


Save Yourself

by Duvainthel



Series: Caladrius [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 19:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20069317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duvainthel/pseuds/Duvainthel
Summary: Caroline died.She comes to in a memory that has been haunting her.When it starts repeating itself she decides she deserves her punishment.Will she escape this hellish loop?





	Save Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little idea I had after watching the show 'Lucifer'.  
I know I'm technically putting my Marvel affiliated character in a DC world but fuck it.  
This is why fanfiction exsists people!
> 
> Love,  
D

“You’re doing the right thing honey.” Her mother said while shutting the door in the face of furious people.  
She felt drained, exhausted really. When was the last time she had a decent sleep? It felt ages ago.  
She sagged in the sofa and felt sleep pulling at her.  
“God wants you to heal as much people as you can. And you won’t be able to do that if you drive yourself into an early grave, Caroline. You need to take care of yourself as well.”  
Her mother smiled a soft smile and Caroline nodded.  
Every time she looked at her mother she felt like she was looking in the future. Caroline and her mother could have been twins if not for the age difference. She saw her own face when she looked at her. And she knew she would look exactly the same like her mother when she’ll be the same age.  
Her strawberry blonde hair had a little more shine in it and her mom’s hair already had some grey streaks through it. But otherwise they had the same curls and the same color.  
Even the same smile.  
Caroline looked at the front door and felt her insides twist with guilt.  
She had been healing people as soon as she was able to, never turning anyone away. But as word spread, more people demanded her help.  
It got so far that people would be banging at her front door in the middle of the night, waking everyone up, pleading for help.  
And still she never turned them away.  
Which didn’t leave a lot of time for her to sleep, or eat, or anything really.  
She had started to get fainting spells during the day and that’s when her mother put her foot down. People could only call on her from 8 am to 6pm. The rest of the day was for resting and tending to herself.  
Caroline knew her mother was right, but the family at their door had travelled from 3 states over to get to her. Their mother was in desperate need of aid and she could give it to them.  
“Now I want you to go upstairs and rest for a bit. Okay, honey?”  
Caroline nodded and got up from the sofa and went to her room. Her little sister Olivia was waiting for her on her bed. Her room was an oasis of calm, all soft blue tones and beige. It reminded her of the sea and she was happy with it. She needed calm when she was finished healing.  
“Mom’s right you know.” She said when Caroline entered her room.  
“I know.” Caroline sighed. “Doesn’t make it less hard to turn people away.”  
Olivia nodded frowning.  
She didn’t have any healing powers, and seeing how her older sister suffered under them she didn’t really want them either. Her power would be cheering her big sister up when she needed it.  
“So do you want to watch a movie with me? It’ll be easier to fall asleep.” Olivia piped up.  
“Sure what do you want to watch?”  
“My friends told me about a Disney movie ‘Wall-E’. Can you look if we can hire it online?”  
Olivia and Caroline loved Disney, they didn’t care if mostly children watched it. Yes, they were adults and proud to love Disney.  
The sisters settled themselves in Caroline’s bed and Caroline turned on the TV. The movie Olivia wanted was available and they played it.  
Caroline liked the movie a lot but despite that her eyelids fell shut halfway in and sleep sucked her into unconsciousness.

Caroline jolted awake because of angry noises downstairs.  
The TV was switched off and Olivia was gone from her bed. It was dark outside.  
Her mom and sister must’ve let her sleep. She had really needed the rest.  
An angry shout from downstairs made her heart jump up in her throat.  
Something was wrong, very wrong.  
They were a very calm family, she didn’t even know how her mom or sister sounded when they shouted, because they’ve never done so.  
Okay maybe that’s an exaggeration but it was very rare. Especially in the middle of the night.  
Caroline slipped out of her bed and stalked down the hallway to the stairs, where she froze.  
Her heart beating faster en panic gripping her.  
The angry voices weren’t from her family.  
“Now you’re going to cooperate and heal my mother you hear?!”  
She heard Olivia’s quiet sobs.  
“She can’t!” Her mother exclaimed.  
Caroline was about to turn around and grab her phone to call for help when the next angry words made her insides freeze.  
“Then we’ll slit your throat, see if she wants to heal then.”  
Her body moved out of it’s own accord, panic for her family taking over.  
“She can’t because she’s not the healer, I am.” Caroline said surprisingly calm while walking down the stairs, taking in the scene before her.  
Two burly men in their early thirties were holding her family in an iron grip. They each had a knife to her mother’s and sister’s throats and instead of panic, anger started bubbling up.  
“Let them go.”  
“Sure, right after you healed our mother.”  
“Caroline! Don’t! this won’t stop if…” the man next to her mother had hit her in the face to shut her up.  
But she knew her mother was right. She had been right all along, everyone was using her for her healing. If she caved now she’d be seen as a healing machine and nothing else.  
And her body wouldn’t be able to handle that.  
“Then come back tomorrow morning at 8 am. I’ll tend to your mother then, she’ll be my first of the day.”  
“No, you’re doing it now! She needs it now!” Snapped the one next to her sister. He looked like the youngest of the two.  
“Everyone, needs it now sooner than later. But you barge into my home, threaten my family, you’re lucky I feel like tending to her at all.”  
“You think, we’re not serious, bitch! We’ll slit their throats!”  
“And what then? You won’t have another bargaining chip after that. You’ll threaten my life? And if you kill me what then? You’d have killed your last hope, along with so many others who need me.” Caroline said, bluffing of course, she’d never let them kill her family. “So just come back tomorrow morning and I’ll tend to your mother then.”  
Caroline could see the oldest son hesitating, he seemed to accept Caroline’s offer. But the younger one didn’t and turned angry.  
“Maybe I’ll slit your little sisters throat first, then you’ll listen more to what we’re saying.”  
Before Caroline could react, his knife bit in her sisters throat, making a few drops of blood slide down her throat and she saw red.  
Anger shot through her chest and unleashed something in her. Suddenly she could sense the people in the room. Or more accurately their wounds and sickness.  
She could feel how her mother had a little cough coming up. She could feel how both men had bruises, probably from her family resisting at first. And then she could feel the cut in her sisters throat.   
Blinding rage took over and somehow her mind lashed out and did exactly as she wanted to happen.  
A sickening crunch was heard and both of the men’s wrist snapped into an unnatural position.  
They screamed out in pain, dropping their knives.  
She healed her sister’s cut but she was still pissed.  
“All I have done in my life is give, give and give. I’ve healed non-stop and when I’m forced to take breaks for my own health, this is the thanks I get?! People hurting my family! No more, I’m taking it all back and you two are to thank for it.”  
Her mother and sister looked at her in shock but Caroline didn’t care. Anger coursed through her veins and she was vicious. She reached out trying to see the rest of the town, ready to take back every bit of healing she had done.

But when she did that, she got overflowed with every little ailment everyone was suffering from. From the frail lady in the car right outside to the baker who just burned his hands on the stove across town.  
Caroline was overwhelmed and her eyes grew wide. A cut in a finger, someone dying from cancer, a bruise to some ribs, a broken arm, shoulder dislocation, someone in surgery, burns, sprained ankle, black eye,… she saw and felt it all.  
She was barely registering what was happening around her.  
The two men scrambled to their feet and fled their home. Her sister and mother came closer, worry evident on their faces.  
Caroline’s eyes had rolled back in her skull and she was pale as a sheet of paper.  
“Honey, are you alright? What are you doing?”  
“Sis?”  
Caroline barely heard them, she was drowning in pain and suffering. Panic gripped her chest once more and she pushed everything away, forcibly and with a hard mental shove.  
Finally the pain disappeared and she came back to herself.  
Slowly blinking the room back into view.  
It was eerily quiet in the room and she looked around to look for her family when fear gripped her once more.  
Both her mother and sister were lying on the ground, Caroline could feel how their hearts had stopped beating.  
“No!”  
Caroline quickly reached out to them again and flowed her powers through them.  
It only took a second, but both slowly started up again.  
Caroline sighed in relief but it was from short nature when she realized it must have been her doing.  
The rest of town! Oh no.  
Caroline sat down, legs crossed, and braced herself.  
She reached out to the town and her heart dropped to her stomach.  
She didn’t feel all the pain anymore, there was no one left in pain, all their hearts had stopped.  
Caroline gritted her teeth and unleashed herself. She had no idea how she did it but panic seemed to be a good motivator for her powers. It was like she unlocked herself and she spread like a mist over town, healing everyone she encountered, pushed herself to get all the hearts beating again.  
Wake everyone back up.  
By the time she reached the end of town there was so little of herself left, but she pushed on, determined to revert everything she had done.  
Finally she was at the last person, he was the one who had burned his hand at the stove she had felt earlier.  
She tried to wake him up, she tried her best to get his heart beating again. She pushed and pushed, but it would not start up again.  
She tried again and again until, there was nothing of her left and she snapped back to her body.  
“No!”  
Caroline tried reaching him again, sensing the injuries again but nothing happened. A bursting headache came up, squinting her eyes shut she tried again but a blinding pain shot like a hot rod through her skull and she gasped from the pain.  
Tears were flowing freely from her cheeks and she sobbed.  
He was dead, and she knew who she had killed. It had been the baker, the always friendly baker, the baker with a wife and kids. A well-loved man and generally good person. And she, Caroline, had killed him.  
Sobs wrecked her body and snot left her nose but she really didn’t care. She killed a man and she’s going to hell for it.  
“You’ll rot in hell for what you did.” Her mom’s voice snapped.  
She was still lying on the ground, unconscious but her lips did move.  
“You’re a monster, look at what you did. You killed him.” Her sister’s voice hissed, but she was still unconscious like her mom. Just her lips moved, just like mom.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Caroline babbled.  
“Sorry is not good enough, you’ll rot here, for eternity.” Her sister hissed.  
“Here?”  
“Where do you think you are?” A wicked smile graced their unconscious bodies and Caroline shut her eyes. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

“You’re doing the right thing honey.” Her mother said while sound of the front door shutting sounded in the air.  
Caroline’s eyes flew open.   
It was day, she was sitting in the sofa like she had been before.  
“Now I want you to go upstairs and rest for a bit. Okay, honey?” Her mom said smiling while walking towards her.  
What? What was happening?  
Her body nodded for her and rose out of the sofa, walking towards her room for her.  
What the hell was going on?  
Her sister sat on her bed, just like before.  
“Mom’s right you know.” She said when Caroline entered her room, just like before.  
“I know.” Caroline sighed. “Doesn’t make it less hard to turn people away.” She didn’t even want to say that. What she wanted to do was scream and ask what was going on.  
They watched the movie again.  
She fell asleep again but it felt like just batting an eye.  
Caroline heard the voices again, the intruders where there again.  
She tried bargaining with them again.  
He cut her little sisters throat again.  
And she did it all again.  
And Caroline was watching it all again, while screaming internally, while dread filled her stomach.  
When she got to the part where she tried to save the baker, she thought this might be a second chance. Caroline threw all her might into her efforts, everything she had and it still wasn’t enough.  
She cried again, feeling wrecked at failing twice.  
Her sister and mother hissing insults and hateful things at her again.  
Until she closed her eyes and it all started again.

By the 5th time, she was in fact fairly certain she was in hell. She had died and hell punished her by reliving it again and again.  
By the 10th time she broke down. Each time when she failed to save the baker she got control over her body again for a brief moment. When she realized this she tried to escape. But as soon as she opened the front door she was in the sofa again.  
By the 50th time she had tried everything and was just staring catatonically ahead. She had deserved this. She knew that, she had known it the second it had happened.  
By the 100th time she just suffered through it again and again. Allowing her heart to break down again and again. She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.  
She deserved this.

“Are you sure love, I feel like you’re being a bit harsh on yourself.”  
Caroline’s eyes snapped open.  
She wasn’t back in the sofa, the day hadn’t reset.  
The bodies of her mom and sister were perfectly still.  
No one hissed something at her.  
And that was not the only thing that was different.  
A long slender man was examining one of the family pictures. He was dressed in a crisp navy blue suit that didn’t have a crinkle in it. An expensive looking watch was clasped around his wrist and a gold ring with a black stone graced one of his fingers. He had a slender face, almost elegant, that had a shadow of a stubble with a perfectly maintained form. His hair was black and meticulously groomed.  
When he turned towards her his chocolate brown eyes locked with hers and a simply overpowering smile graced his features.  
“So, are you sure?” He said in a British accent and it sent shivers down her spine.  
“Sure of what?” Caroline croaked, her throat wrecked of all the crying.  
“That you deserve this, this awfully boring and equally horrifying non-stop repeat of the most horrible experience of your life.” He said spreading his arms to point out the room.  
“I do, I killed a man.”  
“Did you now?” The man said. It was almost a tease.  
Caroline nodded.  
“And why did you do that? Did the devil make you do it?” A hardness flashed across his face for a split second, then his charming smile came back.  
“The devil?” Caroline asked.  
“Well you’re a quite religious family. Don’t you believe in God and the devil?” He practically purred.  
“I do.”  
“So did he make you do it? The devil.”  
Caroline swallowed. Somehow this stranger charmed her and terrified her at the same time.   
She felt like this question was of great importance to him, but she had no energy or will to figure him out to get out of here, so she just told the truth.  
“I used to think my powers were a temptation of the devil. I don’t anymore, I don’t know what gave me these powers, but what happened here was solely my fault. There was no one whispering in my ear. I killed a man and now I’m paying the price for it.”   
The man in front of her smiled a wide and genuine smile. Happiness glittering in his eyes.  
“Well that officially makes you my favorite person down here, come with me.”  
He reached out a hand towards her and without really thinking she took it.  
He pulled her up and walked towards the front door. Making Caroline stop.  
“I can’t leave, the day will just reset again.” She said.  
“Oh nonsense, that pesky little reset won’t happen now.” The man said confidently.  
He opened the door and walked through, pulling Caroline with him.  
Caroline gasped as she stepped out of her torment.

She had entered a hallway with rough black rock walls. It was not straight, it gave more the feel of a cave, but there was no ceiling.   
Caroline realized with a start that the walls looked like obsidian and now it gave her more the feel of a the bottom of an endlessly big volcano. With hallways carved out of it. Doors were scattered across the hallways and something white drizzled from above. When it landed on her arm she realized it was not snow but ashes.  
She really was in hell.  
Before Caroline could examine her surroundings more the man pulled her along.  
He crossed all different sorts of hallways, it seemed like it went on forever until they reached a pretty high mountain. Caroline looked up and if she squinted just right the top seemed like a throne.  
Coming closer to the mountain she saw there where impressive doors carved into it and the man pushed them open, urging her inside.  
She was surprised to enter a cozy and luxurious loft.  
When she looked back, to where the doors were supposed to be there was an elevator.  
Caroline turned her gaze to the loft again.  
To her right there was a bar with countless bottles lining a marble like looking wall. Although it glowed softly orange. At the bar there were barstools and behind them a gorgeous shiny black piano.  
Further in the loft there was a giant, cozy looking leather sofa with a glass coffee table. They were facing a tv standing against a wall with Egyptian looking carvings in it. There was a doorway in it closer to her with a step up, she peeked inside and saw a bed that could easily fit 5 persons in it.  
And last but not least further along, the wall facing her beyond the sofa was completely made out of glass. It had a fantastic view over numerous buildings. A view that should not be possible if you took in account where she was and what she walked through to get here.  
“Where are we?”  
“You like it? I recreated a place I call home on earth, here.” The man said proudly.  
He walked towards the bar and poured himself and her a drink.  
“You created it?” Caroline repeated dumbfounded.  
“Why, yes. Don’t you know who I am yet?” He grinned mischievously.   
Realization washed over Caroline like cold water.  
“Y-you… you’re…”  
“Lucifer Morningstar, honored to make your acquaintance.” Lucifer said in a playful tone.  
Caroline gulped and eyed the drink he poured her.   
She walked towards it and threw it back in once fluid motion, savoring the burn. It was bourbon.  
“A woman after my own heart.” He chuckled and poured her another.  
Caroline took another big swallow and she slightly felt the buzz setting in already. Funny she was dead, had no body, but she could feel the buzz. She was grateful for this and took another swallow, she needed the courage.  
When he poured her third glass, her lips moved out of their own accord.  
“You don’t look like I expected.”  
Lucifer faltered in his movements and she saw something dark and sad gracing his features. Anger mixed with hurt.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you.” Caroline mumbled, surprised at the fact that she really didn’t. Not because she was afraid of what he might do, more because she didn’t want to hurt him.  
Odd, it was the devil. But somehow she didn’t see him as the master of all evil.  
She eyed him with curiosity and the booze made her thoughts spill over.  
“You don’t look like the master of all evil like everyone says.”  
Lucifer frowned and his eyes flashed with fire. His skin melting away and revealing a body that was burned top to bottom and the skin was left red and angry.  
Caroline gasped, it looked horrible, terrifying, she couldn’t imagine the pain these wounds had caused. It covered him completely, no hair left, and pits of fire burning in his irises.  
“You’re still looking.” Lucifer said surprised. “And you’re not screaming.”  
Tears filled Caroline’s eyes, imagining the horrible responses he must have gotten when he showed this. Yep, the alcohol was definitively kicking in, he was the devil, why was she reacting like this?  
“Who did this to you?”  
Lucifer froze and looked at her in marvel.  
“Do you… do you want me to try and heal it?” Caroline pressed on, her head was starting to feel like a cloud.  
In response to that his flesh slowly melted back in place, and within seconds he looked like the man she met before again.  
“You can’t.” Lucifer waved, before he stopped and looked at her in surprise again. “You’re the first one that offered though.”  
“How…” Caroline swallowed. “How did it happened?”  
“When I fell, when dear old dad cast me out for not agreeing with him. Dooming me to watch over hell for all eternity.”  
Caroline nodded and emptied her glass. Lucifer didn’t refill it again and took a sip of his own.

He eyed her, seemingly struggling with something.  
“What do to do with you…” He hummed.  
“You don’t have to do anything with me, I’m in hell, just put me back in the loop where I belong.” Caroline shrugged.  
“My dear, you want to go back there? Actually, don’t answer that, hell will oblige and I’d have to go get you all over again.”  
Caroline shot him a confused look.  
“As you’ve probably figured, I’m guessing by your reaction to my devil face, I don’t actually whisper in people’s ears, telling them to do stuff. The only thing I do that remotely resembles that is that I can make people confess their deepest, naughtiest desires. But that’s about it. So if I don’t do that, what else don’t I do hmmm?” Lucifer asked playfully again.  
“Put people down here?” Caroline figured.  
“Ding ding ding, aren’t you the little detective. No, I don’t put them down here, they put themselves down here, or are cast down directly under instruction of dad. The only thing I get to do is punish the souls. And to be honest I only punish the truly wicked ones, like Hilter, he’s a few doors down from here.”  
“So you’re saying I’ve put myself down here?”  
“When I found you, you were muttering ‘I deserve it’ over and over again.”  
“Oh.” Caroline sat down on a stool. She did deserve to be here, didn’t she? Even if the devil didn’t decide that, she still had killed a man.  
“I killed a man. I deserve it.”  
“You deserve an eternity of torture over something you hadn’t meant to do, and tried to fix?” Lucifer said with eyebrows raised.  
“I… I took a life. I deserve it.”  
“So when a doctor in training makes a mistake and kills someone, he deserves an eternity of torture?”  
“What! No that’s different, he didn’t mean to.”  
“And you did, you wanted to kill that man?”  
“Yes… no… I mean, I wanted to take all my healing back, I didn’t want to kill them.”  
“So if a doctor kills a patient trying to reverse his earlier procedure, he deserves hell.”  
“No, you’re twisting my words.” Caroline groaned in frustration.  
“Tell me Caroline, what have you been doing since then?” When the ‘r’ in her name rolled of his lips it sounded almost like purring.  
“I ran.” Caroline said ashamed.  
“And after that?”  
Caroline remained silent. She had been trying to redeem herself, she had healed countless of people. Went almost every night to the hospital to heal people.  
“I’ll tell you what you did, you saved around a 100 people from death since then.”  
“I…” Caroline stared at her hands until a finger was pressed underneath her chin and her face was turned towards Lucifer. And they locked eyes.  
“Caroline, what is your deepest darkest desire?” He purred. His eyes all molten chocolate, every fiber of her drawn to him, wanting to please him, the words where just pulled from her mouth.  
“I want to help people, I want to heal them and help them in any way I can.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I don’t like people suffering. And I can do something about it.”  
Lucifer flashed her a wide grin.  
“Well there you go.” He sing-songed. “Do you still think you deserve an eternity of torment and suffering?”  
Caroline sheepishly shook her head and she realized that something had been pulling at her the entire time they were in here, to get out and go back to her torment. That string had suddenly snapped.  
“Very good.”  
“So what now? Do I stay here and help you?” Caroline asked, still not feeling completely deserving of heaven.  
Lucifer tilted his head and glanced up.  
“I’m afraid our time is up.”  
“What?” Caroline said confused. The buzz of the alcohol was gone and she felt strangely light. Like gravity was slowly disappearing.  
“You get something rare. A second chance. When your time is really up, I’d better not find you getting tortured again.”  
Caroline felt light as air and she knew she was leaving hell.  
“Will I see you again?” She asked.  
“Would you want to?” Lucifer said surprised.  
“I think I would.” Caroline answered, no longer surprised of her feelings towards the devil.  
“Well darling, next time I go on vacation up there, I’ll make sure to visit you.” Lucifer flashed her a grin.  
“You better.” Caroline grinned back widely before she disappeared completely.  
Lucifer laughed to himself.  
What an odd girl. He was surprised to realize he wanted to see her again as well. But definitely not in the state he had found her in.  
“Mazikeen, come here.”  
“Yes, my lord.” A woman with long hair dark skin and an evil smile walked out of the shadows.  
“If you ever find this girl in hell again, alert me immediately, instead of torturing her first. Tell the other demons as well.”  
“Yes, my lord.” Her smile slipping from her face.  
“Oh and go prepare. I think I’ll be visiting earth again soon.”  
“Yes, my lord.”


End file.
